dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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