god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
