Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
