I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
