You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
