how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize