After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
look no pants
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
