In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
