don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
