My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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