chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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