First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
