I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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