he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
