Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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