We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
