I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
