**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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