Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
