Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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