The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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