explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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