so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
