We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
