we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
