I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
