I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
