You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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