I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize