Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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