she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
