I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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