Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
