so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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