We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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