I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We're too hungover to prance.
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