I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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