I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you win again, gameday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
