I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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