I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
