This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
