I heard we made out
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
worst night to have a conscience
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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