Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
