I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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