Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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