i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize