Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
