Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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