i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
