you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
