Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
