i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
