the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
