eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
