sarcasm needs its own font
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
