jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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