I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
