Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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