dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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