Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
