haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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