Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
