um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
