help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
