8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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