she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So here I am, sexting at work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
