well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
