There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
