She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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