friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
