tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
