the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize