i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
