I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was like having sex with a tree stump
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
