You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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