watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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