Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
