I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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